OREN

Hi, my name is Oren.

I grew up in a low-income family. My parents split up when I was young, my mother took us fairly far away. We lived in a women's shelter and eventually moved into a trailer park.

My mom was never home, she spent most of her time at her boyfriend's house. I spent my youth fending for myself and my sister. I was a poor unpopular kid at school and in my family. I was bullied by kids at school, and my aunt would come to my workplace and publicly humiliate me. When I was sixteen, my mother stopped inviting me to family Christmas, including the ones she hosted. I spent the next few years alone on Christmas day.

Abandonment seemed to be a condition of my life.

I got married and had two awesome kids. My youngest, at the age of two, got cancer. The next few years were a mess. I would work, pick up my oldest from the babysitters, drive to the hospital and come home daily, sometimes people would shame me for not doing enough. I would be a mess at work, I would have problems doing simple tasks and I would get bullied.

At four my youngest had surgery, eleven hours long, and two major infections, a UTI and a blood infection. We spent months living there while my oldest lived with his grandma for the second time in his life, this would develop abandonment issues.

My youngest would lay in his bead with atrophy unable to sit, eat, or speak. It was heartbreaking. One day I was laying nearby in his hospital room at night, the nurse came in to give him a new medicine. She put it in the machine and left; shortly after I heard my boy gurgling. I ran across the room and scooped him from his bed, he was drowning in vomit. I tipped him to clear his mouth. We were both tangled in hoses and I was unable to reach the nurse’s call bell; I reached over to the infuser barely able to touch it and got it turned off. Nate’s vomiting shortly subsided. I then managed to reach the call button and the nurse showed up forever later. Nate would recover well, and with me pushing him he learned to walk again for the third time in his life.

My employer fired me for not being at work. Every night I had nightmares of Nate being sick in the hospital. There were so many days where all I did was lay in bed. When I would ask for help, I would get shamed. When I told the story to people, others would say that I was lying. I had no support and I was broken.

A photographer friend saw my interest in Sue Bryce and her photography and gifted me with her Creative Live class. Sue Bryce has a way of teaching healing and self-love. I was getting on track. Summer of 2017, we got great news, Nate is in remission. I spent the day bawling, but not in joy, but crushing heartbreak as that same day my wife asked to separate.

All I could think about was soon in the future I would be living without seeing my kids every day. The next summer was the hardest. I had many breakdowns. I was always alone. I never saw my kids as I didn't have a home for us. I was giving up.

I was part of a healing group with Sue Bryce. I woke up one day, a mess as usual, and I was done. I had no one to turn to, and I posted in that group. I was defeated. Sue commented to me and talked to me about how we get to decide what happens. We are in control of our own energy, we can take, give and release it. What she said made sense but I didn't want to hear it, I threw my phone.

When I got to work I thought more about what I was told. I had a thought of how my kids weren't with me, I had a thought of how I was left for someone else. I began to notice that I would bring up painful memories, so I did an experiment. I counted every time I thought of a pain story. I counted very abandonment, every shame, every that always happens to me. By noon I was at 500! I learned that I was my own bully! WHAT THE HELL!

Of all people, I was worse than anyone else!

The next day I came up with a plan. Every time a story started I would tell it to STOP! I did this for a few days and got the stories down to a couple hundred a day. I was able to sleep. I had more energy. I could cope without my kids.

I started becoming aware of other people's pain, people eat in negative emotions. I began to hear the pain in music. I changed my diet to control my insulin spikes. This whole new path has begun an amazing journey of healing. I got to a place where I get my kids half the time. I have traveled the world photographing people. I have become open and aware of the different energies of the universe.

Self-love heals.

It's a hard, dirty, painful path.

It's acknowledging the pains of our past.

It’s releasing negative energies of your past, experience, and people.

It's living for yourself, and giving love and light to others.

Hi, my name is Oren, I am almost forty-two and for the first time, I am living my life.